


I'll Be Home For Christmas

by Wannawannabe



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Jeongin-Centric - Freeform, Light Angst, Mentioned Stray Kids Ensemble, all of them telling jeongin they love him because mwah, and talk and stuff, anyways uhhh I hope you like it!, but it gets better!!!!!, but theyre all, haha those aren't words you see every day!, jeongin cries? so :((( sorry, there, uhhh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-27 11:55:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17161553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wannawannabe/pseuds/Wannawannabe
Summary: Jeongin knew he should've gone home, knew he should've taken the opportunity to go home this Christmas. A privilege not everyone has. But he still couldn't do it, fear of failure to present to ever let him rest.He stared at the ceiling while the music from the practice room speaker blasted."Why can't I be home for Christmas?"





	I'll Be Home For Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> This is for the Skz secret santa held by mims and snotty!! Thank you to them for working hard to set up a fun event for content creators of all kinds!!  
> This was written for @tremendous-peach on tumblr! I hope you like it!!!! Happy Holidays <3

Jeongin groaned as he collapsed on the floor, music still blaring from the speakers. He was tired, it was too late to be out., Not like that ever stopped anyone who worked here, but he was  _ definitely  _ feeling it. He tried to get up, to at least turn the music off, but instead of his arms boosting him up, they shook pathetically and he hit the ground with an audible thump. He stared at the ceiling in defeat, as the song started again. 

 

Jeongin glared at the speaker, blaming it for his exhaustion, as if it had been the reason he had stayed until 1 am. He moved his gaze to the clock, realizing it was now 1:15. Jeongin mumbled something about time not being real, and tried to push himself up again. He was able to make it to his knees before falling this time, which could be considered a win. He lifted his head to stare at the speaker, across the room,  _ so far away _ . Jeongin let his head fall onto the ground and accepted his defeat as the song continued to blare over the speakers. The fast pace and energetic vibe mocking his exhausted puddle of self that was currently on the floor. 

 

He groaned again as he heard his phone let out a little  _ ping! _ He reached his arm out blindly to try and grab his phone. Once he felt it, he grabbed the phone and brought it to his face, his arms trembling in protest. Jeongin squinted against the harsh light of his phone, it being much brighter than the room. After getting over his temporary blindness, he realized he had a notification from his mother. He smiled; he had missed her a lot recently, and his choice to stay at the company over the holidays had not diminished it at all.

 

Jeongin quickly opened the text, only to see a video with a small message from his mother. His smile grew; he really wished he was able to spend Christmas with his family. But it was his own fault, he had to practice, he had to get better. Stray Kids were getting more popular and he wouldn’t be the one people would criticize. He wouldn’t be a hole, not in anything. The rest of the group worked too hard for that and Jeongin was going to do his best to match them. 

 

He wouldn’t rest until he did. 

 

He gulped, the thoughts leaving something in his throat. He played the video, waiting as it loaded. Only to see his brothers and mother and father on the screen before him, all gathered in front of their fireplace, a fire pleasantly lit inside it.

 

Jeongin’s eyes crinkled as his smile grew at seeing them and the little bits of the living room, his chest aching with the desire to be there. Be with them. 

 

He was brought out of his thoughts by his mother talking.

 

“We know you’re working hard Jeongin-ah! We all miss you! We hope you can return soon,” she finished, sending the camera a smile Jeongin hadn’t seen in so  _ long _ . 

 

Jeongin smiled a bit, it had been too long since he had seen his mom. Too long since he had been able to run into her comforting arms and hear her soothing voice as she embraced him. him. him. Too long since he had been able to just sit next to her in silence, leaning against her soft form and feeling at ease. 

 

“You’re a brat, but I guess I miss you too,” his older brother chimed in, placed on the other side of the screen, which made it easy for him to avoid his mother’s playful shove. Jeongin rolled his eyes as his older brother laughed, their mother scolding him, trying to suppress a smile. 

 

“I miss you too!” his younger brother called out, once again shifting Jeongin’s attention to the lower corner. “But having your room is  _ really _ nice. So feel free to stay in Seoul a lot!” 

 

Jeongin laughed as his father noogied his younger brother and his brother yelled in protest. His younger brother really hadn’t changed much in terms of personality. But as Jeongin looked closer he could see he had been growing, reaching a bit farther up on their dad than he had the last time Jeongin had visited. A bit more of the younger boy’s baby fat had disappeared, his voice a bit deeper. 

 

It hurt Jeongin’s heart to think he was missing things about his younger brother’s life, that in a way he was missing seeing him grow up, that he might go home one day and- and his brother will have grown up barely seeing him. Jeongin shook his head, pushing the thoughts to the back of his head as he kept watch the video, his dad now speaking.

 

“Jeongin-ah ignore your brothers,” 

 

Jeongin laughed at that, his little brother exclaiming in annoyance, and his father quieting him with a ruffle of his hair. 

 

“Remember we love you to the moon and back Jeonginnie, and that we’re all so incredibly proud of you.”

 

Jeongin felt something catch in his throat, his father’s eyes full of emotion that Jeongin  could see even through his phone. “Don’t work yourself too hard Jeongin-ah, okay? We all miss you, and love you. We can’t wait for you to come back!” 

 

Jeongin nodded, even though he knew his dad couldn’t see him. He heard his mother softly count them off, then they all looked at the camera.

 

“Merry Christmas!” they all yelled in chorus, with Jeongin’s and Hyung’s and Brat’s following afterwards. 

 

Jeongin laughed as his mother swiped at his older brother again, eyes a little wet. They all waved at the camera, his brothers trying to see who could wave faster. It eventually ended with his younger brother jumping in front of the camera, hands waving at top speed and his mother turning it off. 

 

Jeongin smiled at his phone, rewatching the video a few more times, trying to ignore how his vision was blurring. After his fourth rewatch, he could barely see in front of him and as he squeezed his eyes shut, the first tears finally fell. He rubbed his eyes as fast as he could, trying to erase any evidence of the tears before they could go any further. Instead he simply kept crying, and as he sat up from where he was, they just said the tears, so change it to “they” fell even harder. After a minute of trying to wipe away tears that wouldn’t stop, Jeongin just gave up, instead bringing his knees to his chest and putting his face down, soaked sleeves making his pants damp as well. 

 

He wondered what he looked like, just some kid alone in the middle of a practice room. The size of it only reminded him of how alone he felt. Just a kid alone on Christmas, crying about how much he missed his mom. He chuckled wetly- he couldn’t even work like his hyungs did without crying, how did he ever get chosen to debut with them? 

 

Too caught up in his self depreciation, he didn’t notice the door open, a head peeking in. Didn’t notice the person gasp as they saw him curled up in the middle of the room crying. He didn’t hear them slowly close the door as they entered, or notice them turning off the music and walking towards him.

 

Jeongin startled when he felt a pair of arms wrap around him, feeling someone pull him towards their chest. He looked up, meeting Chan’s concerned gaze, immediately looking away, he didn’t want to bother Chan with this. He felt Chan pull him closer and just slumped against him, not bothering trying to fight it. 

 

“Jeongin can you tell me what’s wrong?” he heard Chan ask softly.

 

Jeongin buried his face in Chan’s chest; he didn’t want to but if he didn’t say it now Chan would get it out of him one way or another. Jeongin sighed; he had two choices but he knew either way he would end up talking about it. 

 

“I miss my mom,” he mumbled quietly, trying not to feel embarrassed over how  _ dumb _ it felt to say it. Chan looked down at him, pulling Jeongin off his chest a bit.

 

“What was that?” 

 

Jeongin looked down.

 

“I miss my mom,” he said a bit louder, and by the way Chan’s shoulders slouched a bit he knew Chan had heard. He waited for Chan to tell him to suck it up, to remind Jeongin that he’d been here for so long without a mother, or even worse to laugh. Sat there and waited, avoiding Chan’s gaze. 

 

So he was taken off guard when instead Chan pulled him back into his chest and hugged him even harder. He squeaked as Chan’s arms squeezed him tighter, and the older boy rested his head on Jeongin’s shoulder. 

 

“I’m so sorry,” he heard Chan breathe out next to his ear, and Jeongin was confused. 

 

_ What??? _ He turned to look at Chan, who stubbornly looked away, turning his head so his cheek was squished against Jeongin’s shoulder. Still, Jeongin was able to hear him sniffle.  _ Was he crying??? _

 

“Hyung are you crying?!” Jeongin asked, panicked. Why was Chan crying?? What had Jeongin done wrong??? 

 

“No!” Chan exclaimed, now very obviously crying. “I’m just. I know what it’s like to miss your family on Christmas.” 

 

Jeongin suddenly realized how dumb it was for him to assume Chan would judge him for this. Chan, who had missed his family for so long, who had gone through his teenage years off small visits and skype calls. Jeongin wrapped his arms around Chan.

 

“Hyung, I’m sorry,” he whispered, now regretting even bringing it up. Maybe he should have just waited for Chan to bring it up later…

 

“No Jeongin-ah.” Chan shook his head, pushing himself away from Jeongin to look at him. “I can already hear you thinking about how you shouldn’t have brought it up. I made my peace with my distance between me and my family a while ago, I’ve gotten better at dealing with it. It doesn’t-” Chan stopped, looking at the floor for a brief second before looking back at Jeongin. “It doesn’t just disappear, but I want to help you however I can. So talk to me, okay?” He pulled Jeongin back into the hug. “Tell me what you miss about them.”

 

And so Jeongin did. Starting with his mother’s smile, how it was always present in his life. How it was the first thing he thought of when he thought of her, her face always bright and happy throughout his childhood. Then his father’s laugh, how it was deep and loud and how Jeongin felt like it shook the room. How his laugh was something none of them inherited, all their voices on the higher side like their mother, it being even more special because of this. His older brother’s teasing, perhaps something he shouldn’t remember with fondness but he  _ did _ . His brother still bringing up when Jeongin had called him ugly, occasionally lamenting to their parents where he had gone wrong in raising Jeongin, only for them to roll their eyes at him. He Told Chan about his little brother and just how  _ fast  _ he was growing. Physically and mentally, making Jeongin worry that he would end up being the tallest of all them. Chan laughed at that, mumbling something about it serving Jeongin right for growing so fast as well.

 

Jeongin kept going, listing more and more about his family and the little things he hadn’t realized were special to him until they were gone. His mother’s nose with one nostril slightly bigger than the other, his father’s ring finger being bigger than his index on his right hand, his older brother’s squeaky laugh, the way his younger brother’s voice had begun cracking every other word. 

 

His father’s taste in trot music, which had brought him to where he was now, inspired him to become a singer. His mother reminding him to never take or give an excuse, to always work hard and take responsibility, leading him to always do his best. His older brother reminding him he always had someone to lean on, no matter how much he teased him. His little brother reminding him that he should always work to be a role model, to be the best older brother he could be to the younger. 

 

And before he knew it he was outright sobbing into Chan’s ugly sweater. Hugging Chan tight enough he wasn’t quite sure how Chan was breathing. Yet even though Jeongin was probably ruining his sweater and cutting off his air supply, Chan did nothing but gently rub his back and whisper comforting words. Reminding Jeongin it was okay to feel this way, that family was  _ so important _ to all of them and he should never be ashamed of this. 

 

Jeongin just cried harder, not even bothering to try and stop it anymore. Chan hummed a bit, a song Jeongin recognized but couldn’t quite remember the name of. He ignored it, instead burrowing deeper into Chan. Too busy crying, he easily fell asleep without fight. The feeling of Chan shifting to grab something being the last thing he remembered before drifting off. 

  
  


*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

  
  


Jeongin woke up with wind biting at his cheeks, chest pressed against a warm back and chin resting on a warm shoulder. He could feel hands under his thighs, keeping him in the air as the person, who he realized was Chan, walked down the street. He could hear Chan singing something, realizing it was the song from earlier.

 

_ I’ll be home, for Christmas _

_ You can count on me~ _

_ Please have snow- _

 

Jeongin giggled sleepily at the idea of snow in Australia. Chan startled a bit upon realizing Jeongin was awake. He turned his head to Jeongin, slowing his pace a bit. 

 

“Go back to sleep silly,” he teased softly. Jeongin was too tired to argue with him, so he just nodded sleepily and snuggled further into Chan. Drifting in and out of sleep, catching bits and pieces of the song.

 

_ Christmas eve will…. _

_ Where….Love light…. _

_ I’ll be home for Christmas…. _

_ If only in my dreams~ _

 

Chan held the note for a bit, it being the final straw in lulling Jeongin to sleep. 

 

The last thing he heard was Chan whispering, “Dream of home Jeongin-ah.” 

 

Jeongin’s world going dark, as his mind brightened with memories from home. Images of Christmases past, of warm fires and family, of being  _ home _ . 

 

If no one but Chan would know Jeongin was smiling in his sleep, well, it was a loss for the rest of the world. 

  
  


*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

  
  


The next time Jeongin woke up, he truly had no idea where he was. He was warm, so he wasn’t outside, but he was laying on something. It was too small to be his bed, or any bed for that matter, so he was at a loss. He heard voices speaking softly.

 

_ “Should we wake him up?” _

 

_ “No he needs the sleep.” _

 

_ “Then should we go to bed?” _

 

_ “We should be here when he wakes up.” _

 

_ “You just said he needed to sleep!” _

 

He looked towards the voices, eyes still not used to being open. He made a small sound to try to get their attention. He could see 5 figures in front of him, and at his noise they all turned to him. 

 

After his eyes adjusted, he was able to see he was in their dorms living room, their little Christmas decorations littering the walls. Few more seconds he was able to make out the figures. Chan, Felix, Jisung, and Minho all stared at him, concern obvious in their eyes. 

 

“Is he awake!” A voice came from one of their phones. 

 

Jeongin sat up to try and look at it. Before he could, they all pointed their phone screens at Jeongin so that he could see they had been facetiming Woojin, Changbin, Seungmin, and Hyunjin. 

 

A chorus of “Jeongin-ah’s!” came from the phones, with Hyunjin and Seungmin squishing their faces against their cameras. Jeongin giggled, the other members immediately cooing over how cute it was. Jeongin backed up against the couch as the members all rushed towards him to smother him with love. He made noises of annoyance as they pinched his cheeks and hugged him, but he knew that they could tell he didn’t really mind this time around. 

 

As he finally fought off his hyungs’ attack, he looked around and realized that there was food out and that the other members were still on call. There was Christmas music playing in the background and their tv was showing some old Christmas movie, with every light in the living room having been turned on.

 

“What is this?” he asked, confused at all this being out when it wasn’t even- He looked around as he realized he didn’t even know what time it was. “What time is it???”

 

“It’s about 5am!” Felix chirped from besides Jisung, holding up his phone so Seungmin could still see Jeongin. 

 

“Why are you guys up then? Didn’t you sleep?” Jeongin asked, even more confused why all of this was out here if none of them should even be up. 

 

“Well… we heard you had been feeling a bit sad… so we wanted to celebrate with you!” Jisung tried to explain, pointedly ignoring the second question. 

 

“We know you didn’t go home this Christmas…” Minho added. “So we wanted to make sure we got to celebrate with you!” He held up his phone, Hyunjin shooting Jeongin an excited smile through the screen. 

 

“Hyung is sorry we can’t be there in person Jeongin-ah!” Changbin added, looking genuinely sad through Chan’s phone screen.

 

The others who were present through screens chimed in with similar sentiment, making sure Jeongin knew how much they all wished they could be there. Jeongin looked around at all of them, their hopeful faces, and how much they had done for him, even though they were tired and it was too early in the morning to even exist.

 

“I- I don’t know what to say…” he trailed off, feeling tears well up in his eyes again he wondered for a brief second how he even had tears left to cry. 

 

“Why don’t you skip the words and just open your first present, Jeonginnie!” Woojin suggested, comforting smile still as warm as ever even through Minho’s phone. Minho smiled at Jeongin, handing him a small package.

 

“It’s from your little brother,” Chan informed him, and Jeongin looked at the messy handwriting, being able to make out enough to confirm it was in fact his brother. “He told us to give it to you as soon as you got here on Christmas.” 

 

Chan winked at him and Jeongin wondered when his little brother had even gotten the chance to give them this. He smiled back at Chan, who seemed pleased Jeongin was acting a bit happier already. 

 

Jeongin opened the package, two papers falling out. He picked them up, realizing they were both drawings done by his little brother, the lines a bit shaky, and the coloring done past the lines, but obviously made with love.

 

The first one was his family, arrows pointing at and identifying each member. He stifled a giggle at the angry eyebrows drawn on his older brother. His heart warmed at the heart drawn next to his name. In the corner was a sun, wearing sunglasses and a speech bubble was coming from it with the words “Merry Christmas Hyung!” in it. 

 

The second picture took Jeongin a second to understand; there were ten people on the page, drawn with various color schemes, with the words “I AM:” written at the top. As Jeongin looked closer he began to recognize the people, one with bright orange hair, and dots all over his face. Another one with bright red hair, taller than most of the other people on the page. Jeongin noticed a smaller person hugging this person but wasn’t quite sure what it meant. 

 

Another person had a face quite literally drawn as :], with bear ears on top and Jeongin giggled a bit at that. Hearing more coos from the members in front of him, Jeongin was suddenly reminded they couldn’t see the drawing, and decided if his brother was going to draw them they might as well look too.

 

He held the paper up to show them, all of them immediately crowding around it.

 

“He drew you guys!” Jeongin explained happily. 

 

The members immediately started making a ruckus, all of them trying to guess which one they were and the members on the phones demanding to be put closer to the paper. Jeongin laughed, only just then noticing something had been written on the back of the paper. 

 

It was written in crayon, and the writing was still shaky, but legible. Jeongin squinted at it, then realized his brother had left a message for him.

 

_ ‘Jeongin-hyung!!!!! _

_ I drew Stray Kids for you!! You should definitely show it to them!!! I worked hard!!!!  _

_ I know they all really care for you. Mom, Dad, Hyung, and I can all rest easy knowing that when you’re far away that you have them taking care of you! They’ve really helped you a lot huh? Tell them your little brother says thanks for taking care of you! We all know how much of a whiner you can be!!!  _

_ We won’t have to worry about you this Christmas, hyung, because we all know that you’ll have a different kind of family with you! We’re so happy to know you’ll be loved no matter where you are hyung~ :D _

_ Merry Christmas Hyung!! You better bring me the COOLEST present next year!!! _

_ -your favorite little brother _

 

_ p.s. the person hugging Seungmin is me! He’s my favorite member! Sorry hyung you just didn’t make the cut :/’ _

 

Jeongin laughed at the last part; looks like that mystery was solved. As he looked through it again, he realized the members had all finally found themselves in the drawing. Satisfied with the depictions, Jeongin would have to remember to tell his brother they liked it. 

 

Jeongin wondered what the members had done to let his brother trust them so much. He glanced around the room as the members started bickering over which present was next. He stared at the food that had been put out and the lights hanging along the walls, the clock next to them reading 5:07 am. Jeongin realized just how long they must’ve waited for him. 

 

He thought to his brother’s words, ‘ _ a different kind of family _ ’. He realized, with warmth in his chest, as he looked at his members, all of them teasing each other, trying to get their gift picked, , and realized that his little brother was right. 

 

Of course, this realization also came with more tears, and before Jeongin knew it he was crying again. Oddly, it was Changbin who noticed first, the phone he was being held in being pointed just enough that he could see Jeongin.

 

“Wait, he’s crying!” Changbin yelled, panic obvious in his voice. They all immediately ran towards him, asking what was wrong.

 

“Felix, get me closer! I don’t care if you have to throw your phone, I want to see him!” he heard a voice yell out, similar words coming from the other phones.

 

“You guys get to  _ actually _ hug him!!”

 

“I’m being deprived of loving our precious maknae this is the least you could do!”

 

Jeongin giggled, tears still falling. He rubbed his eyes and Chan handed him a box of tissues. He took them gratefully, and looked at the members, all gathered in front of him. 

 

“Nothing’s wrong,” he clarified, tears still falling. “Just. Thank you. For everything.” 

 

With that he jumped on top of them, smothering them. He heard yells come from the phones again.

 

“He’s hugging  _ you?! _ ”

 

“That’s it! I’m driving there! I refuse to miss this!”

 

“I’m about to run there! This isn’t fair!!”

 

Jeongin giggled again, the members who were actually present abandoning their phones in order to hug him back. He laid on top of them, warmth seeping into him, the music in the background having switched to a soft piano cover.

 

He sighed contently as he rested his head on Minho’s shoulder. It wasn’t the Christmas he was used to. 

 

But he  _ definitely _ wasn’t complaining. 

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> find me on [ twitter! ](https://twitter.com/channieroo)


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